My Question Time was a triumph today. My public speaking tutor always records my performance so that she can suggest ways I can emulate other great leaders of the past - not that I need much tuition. I was born to attain high office and blessed with enviable oratory skills. I had to explain patiently that the unusually high number of deaths at the Mid Staffs NHS Trust was not my fault and had absolutely nothing to do with me or my policies.
Nick Robinson repeated his admiration for me on the BBC's Daily Politics as he was instructed to do. He also rubbished Cameron's performance because, as he's told me, voters are too stupid to make up their own minds and have to be told what to think. The Polling organisations are conspiring together to suggest that Cameron's ahead in the Polls. What a travesty of the truth that is. Don't they know that the public, like the heads of my subordinate states, wish me to go on and on. I'll have to make it clear to that aspiring usurper Harman that she needs to take off her widow's weeds and look a bit more enthusiastic and adoring next week.
I thought my new rubber corset made me look even slimmer than usual and usefully its also waterproof.
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